Bad PickUp Lines
by ClockRepair
Summary: Yes, people in Hogwarts used pick-up lines too.


**ClockRepair: **The pick-up lines used in the story were not of my invention but from the facebook group I mentioned in the story. Enjoy!

There was a reason why the wizard folk didn't like Muggles entering their world. Their adolescents and their technology were just way too troublesome.

Four Muggle teenagers, for some unknown reason, were visiting Hogwarts. One would think that people who had never witnessed actual magic would have been astonished at the great castle, mythical creatures and other oddities but, no, they weren't. Instead, the four decided to take use of their magically enhanced laptop so they ventured outside by the lake where there was a better wireless reception.

After a couple of minutes of surfing the web, they came across a group on Facebook entirely dedicated to magical pick-up lines and they were dying to read them.

The website and the group itself were hilarious.

"'I don't have an invisibility cloak but do you mind if I sneak into your Restricted Section?' Holy crap, that's a library reference, Hermione would be so pissed if she heard that!" Laughed the owner of the laptop.

"What about this one?" asked her friend, pointing towards the screen. "'How about the two of us head off to the Room of Requirements?'"

The only boy in their group scrolled down the Facebook page and chuckled when he read, "'Wanna play with my Philosopher Stones?' Ewww, I can imagine some horny wizard boy saying that to some poor witch who wasn't expecting it."

"'If you were a dementor I would become a criminal just to get one of your kisses. Awwww, that one is actually kind of sweet!"

"It may be sweet but it's not very funny."

Everyone rolled their eyes. It seemed like the youngest and childish member of their group couldn't understand that it wasn't very entertaining.

"Okay fine, what about this one? 'I'm a goblin; let me stroke your vault.'"

Okay, maybe they were wrong.

They read all of the best pick-up lines, or should they say worst, out loud (which were all of them) and had a laugh riot. Who would ever use one of these in real life? But four teens weren't aware that they were reading louder then they thought (and with flat land and a forest behind them of course there's going to be someone around to listen). The day after, lousy pick-up lines were being said all over the castle.

George Weasley was actually the one who started it all when he approached Angelina Johnson in a suave way, pulled her to the side and said, "I might as well be under the Imperius curse because I'd do anything for you. Will you go out with me, gorgeous?"

The amazing thing is that it actually worked and George got himself a date with the girl. When George's mates asked him where he got such a wicked line, he told them he overheard some foreign kids reading them off from something called a website. He proceeded to tell them all of the lines he heard.

After that, the use of pick-up lines from the site was completely abused. At first, the more tamed ones were said to students with the intention of a date or a snog or two but in the end it was the perverted ones that were a favorite among the Hogwarts pupils.

"Want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own."

"Do you want to go to Hog's Head if you know what I mean?"

"You're like a bottle of Skele-gro, making me grow a bone."

"Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

And so forth.

Harry and Ron were in the library finishing their essay for transfigurations class, last minute of course, when they heard Hermione scoff and then the sound of a loud smack echoing throughout the library. A fourth year ran out from one of the aisles clutching his swelling cheek and Hermione sped towards their table with a red face.

"I am getting sick and tired of hearing all of these vulgar lines. They are _disgusting_ and _degrading_ and I-I!" She couldn't finish.

"Hermione, calm down," said Harry. "What did that boy even say to you?"

Hermione's blush deepened. "I'd rather not repeat it."

With peer pressure Hermione agreed but not before taking some steady breaths to ready herself. Honestly, that boy saying something like that to her! She leaned in whispered, "Just like the S-Slytherin common room, how 'bout m-m-my s-snake in your d-dungeons?"

It took a couple of moments but Harry and Ron finally understood it. Their eyes widened and their mouths practically dropped to the floor.

Ron stood up in anger. "Okay, Hermione, who said that to you? It wasn't a Slytherin was it? No, it was that kid from Ravenclaw! Not smart, not smart at all because when I get my hands around that git's throat I'll-!"

Ron's heroic speech about protecting Hermione's virtue was cut short when the librarian shushed him and threatened him with a detention. Who knew you could get a detention from the librarian? It was probably one of Umbridge's new fangled ideas and no one wanted a detention with her.

Hermione's face was flushed again but it wasn't because of the pick-up line. "Ron, it's alright. This whole thing will blow over soon enough."

Before Harry and Ron could agree some girls behind them began to giggle.

"Did you hear that Mindy? She said blow!"

"And she's with two boys! How scandalous!"

Hermione lowered her head until it was all the way on the table's surface for accidentally starting an innuendo. And Ron couldn't exactly do anything to defend Hermione since they were two young girls. If he gave them a good beating he would look like a bully. If he yelled at them he would look like a prat. He would lose either way.

"Oh, when would this ever end?" groaned Hermione.

But these sorts of fads ended pretty quickly. The right moment just had to arrive when an adult was introduced to the fad so then the students would lose interest. All of the pick-up lines, cute or dirty, became obsolete when Professor Snape caught a note in the middle of his potions class.

"Mr. Davidson, since you have them time to write notes to your friends you won't mind taking another few moments to read it out loud to the class," said Professor Snape.

"Umm…Professor, I'd rather not."

"Do as I say or detention with Professor Umbridge!"

Having your hand cut open or get yelled at by Snape until yours ears start to bleed?

Tough choice. Tough choice indeed.

Taking a shaky breath, he read the note. "Want to have a Tri-Wizards Tournament? Well not really "Tri-Wizard," I was thinking more one wizard and two witches."

It only took a few seconds before Snape understood what that meant and when he did; his face went through a remarkable number of changes from shock to livid to mild interest etc.

"_WHAT?! DETENTION! DETENTION FOR ALL OF YOU! __**DETENTION!!!**__"_

Let's just say that Mr. Davidson got yelled at until his ears bled _and_ his hand cut open writing, "I will not write appalling notes in class again." About five hundred times.

Ouch…


End file.
